One pissy thing about unemployment and being home during the day is the telemarketing gimps who are constantly calling up (thereby giving me, if ever I needed it, an excuse to tie up the phone line all day by being on the interweb) and asking me how keen (on a scale of super-keen! to multiple-orgasmic!!!) I am to be entered in a draw for NEW! windows and doors.

Actually, these calls have a more sinister undertone. I have noticed that about three quarters of them are offering me cover against serious injury or accidental death (presumably from falling through my shoddy, crumbling old windows and doors).

Telesalesman: Hello, is that Mr Cass...casstro...rowtow...tow?
Me: Um, yes.
Telesalesman: Would you like accidental death cover?
Me, Um, no thanks...
Telesalesman: We know where you live, you know.

Light relief is occasionally provided when I am addressed as Mr Castrato. Oh my sides.