It's a strange thing when the porn spam you receive seems much more honourable and straightforward than the rest. Today, an offer to see some playmate bunnies. How comforting and 70s! I think I'll give it a miss, thanks, but you know what you're getting.

I have somehow wormed my way onto a mailing list which thinks it's a good idea to start each "offer" with the word "Friend, ...". Is it me, or are shady foreign villains in spy movies/relatives of former Nigerian dictators the only people who use the term "friend" in any seriousness? Still, they didn't have many alternatives. "Mate" sounds like someone bumping into you in a pub toilet (no, not like *that* - get your mind out of the gutter!); "pal" and "chum" are too reminiscent of the prelude to punch-ups in northern nightclubs. "Mucker" sounds too close to the porn spam end of the spectrum. What's a direct marketer to do?

Maybe I'm just a cynic and their only desire is to make fwiends through selling me things. Bless.