minka

Overhaul

I had a bit of a rough end of the week last week. Went all panicky and had some walking in circles trying to turn off my brain fits of time. I'm better now mostly. It doesn't help that I'm in a period of great flux. For me anyway. I need to get a car cause my old car has pretty much died on me. I need a new job cause I have a crush on my boss and I can't date him and keep my job (actually, he'd probably get fired, but since I don't even know if he's interested I can't imagine him switching jobs for me anytime soon). And I have a crush on my boss. He's not the boss or anything, more like an underboss, but still someone with more authority than me. And I haven't liked anyone this much since Andy, I think it's got to be hormonal in large part. I mean, for awhile now I've been trying to get interested in this guy or that one but it's all been kind of lukewarm. And he's not the person I'd expect to like, I wouldn't immediately imagine he's my type, but I guess he is. Maybe I'm just starved for people to talk about films with. Maybe it's because he likes Belle and Sebastian. Could be either/or. I'm also the kind of person who tries to play out a whole relationship in her head before it happens, so I've gone through a lot of this won't work scenarios, I kind of need this lust-madness to get me over the just trying hump. Not like leg hump, like hurdle hump. Rude people.

Last night I had a dream where Andy was there, we had broken up I guess, though I didn't remember why, and we were getting back together and talking and I thought do I want to get back together with Andy or continue with new guy? Ok, in real life I have no clue how that would work out, and maybe I'm making too much of this, but I swear, it was all my subonscious at work here. I'm a master of dream interpretation when it comes to my own and I think that it was my mind's way of saying that I'm ready to try and have a real relationship with someone again. But God I hope I don't end up falling on my face on this one.