minka

Long time

It's been awhile. I can't even remember what I wrote about last. I'm no longer working at the bookstore, I've been working for a TV station editing the news. I really like this job, it's about organizing and being quick and making something that will hold someone's interest. I also got another job this week at at a retail store that I really like. There are so many good things about the job, the clothes are fabulous, the staff seems pretty cool. The music we listen to while working is great, St Etienne's new greatest hits album, Rachel Goswell, the new Bjork album. I was looking for stock in the back and the stock people were listening to the Britta Philips/Dean Wareham album. Even the customers seemed a little nicer, or maybe it was just me not feeling that it was us against them.

The bad thing is that your bag gets searched everytime you leave the store. Even the managers bag is search by an employee. Plus your ankles get checked, in case you're wearing something under your clothes. I'm sure these safeguards were put in place for good reason, but it still makes me feel like a criminal, and that can't be good for workplace morale. Not mine anyway. Still, it's a seasonal job, hopefully after Christmas I'll be getting more hours at the TV station.

Things are going well for my boyfriend and I. I meant to think of it as a short term for the now thing, but everything I do is planning for the future. We don't fight cause he turns off if I get upset, and then I calm down and try to get him to speak. It's like pulling teeth to get him to talk sometimes (like about feelings and stuff, not NASCAR) and I have verbal diarrhea. He shuts down when he gets upset and I have to get everything out. But I think it's working out. I don't get upset much, though it tends to be right before my period, ok, always. I get pettulant and stuff. Since I've been out of work he's been paying more, for dinners and movies and stuff when we go out. I'm ok with it but I like things better when we share, not that I prefer to pay but because I don't want finances to play a part in what either of us is getting out of the relationship. I somehow want everything to be perfect and work out. But I think I think too much of the future and forget to be happy in the now. I do that in everything. Instead of enjoying all the time I have off, I worry about when I'll be working more (as in how soon until I have a real job) and where my life is going and why at the age of 26 I'm still living at home and basically poor. I forget to realize that I have a good job that will function as a springboard into a career, a boyfriend who's different from my others (luckily) and is surprising and unexpected in very good ways, a new temporary job to help with money at my absolute favorite store, and good friends I can call whenever. I hate to be all new-agey and focus on the good, but I think I should be a little more in that direction.