Another day at work. Nothing too exciting happened today, most of the real weirdos come in later in the day. I watched Karen Sisco this evening and again wondered why it was cancelled. Brian sent me this link and despite the lack of TV Guide listings, he was right. Tonight's episode was especially good, bringing the three main characters together. Karen Sisco is remarkably similar to Alias. Both are ostensibly about law enforcement (Karen's a US Marshall, Sydney is a CIA agent/former double agent) but are really about two women unlucky in love who really only connect with their fathers. The relationships between Sydney and Jack and Karen and Marshall are the crux of their respective shows, and each show had the foresight to cast a talented newcomer (Jennifer Garner and Carla Gugino) with a seasoned professional (Victor Garber and Robert Forester). The two shows are different in tone, Alias is all spy drama/evening soap whereas Karen Sisco has the laid back action/humor of the Elmore Leonard novel it's based on. Frankly, Karen Sisco isn't as good as Alias, that show is so intricately plotted that I'm not sure anything else on television can compare, but Karen Sisco was definitely beginning to hit it's stride, and could have become something much more than what it was now. I should totally be a network executive.
I'm still not sure what to name this blog. I don't like Minka, it's a name I've had for too long and it no longer describes me or anything that I do. Maybe something from a song title, that's always cheap and easy. How about Heartland? Is that twee? I don't want to be twee at all costs, but I do like Heartland. Lemme google that. Hmm, there's a Heartland Institute, but I couldn't really figure out what they were about. Maybe something with Heartland? Heartless Land? Dunno. I'll have to think about it. Some more.
Today I was ready to buy a Tivo. I'd call it breaking down if I wasn't fairly certain that it was actually a step up in the world. So I go to Circuit City this evening, ready for some good impulse purchasing, and they are OUT OF TIVO. Apparently someone ate the last slice of Tivo. Bastards. Working in retail myself, I understand how you run out of stuff, but still. I have a bone to pick with Circuit City anyway. I always have to attack a sales person in there. Tonight I had to go after the guy who was busy asking all the middle-aged men. Again, you don't do that. You never know who is going to buy, and the customers he was talking to seemed more interested in yaking than doing actual buying. Yes, I am a critic, but dammit, I didn't get my Tivo!!! Only now I came home and saw that MacMall has ibooks for $700. What do you think Brian? Seeing as how you are my audience anyway?
So yeah, I am a shopper with a moral dilema. In other news, I saw What a Girl Wants tonight and it was not as execrable as one may think. Apparently it was based on The Reluctant Debutante. Who decided that Amanda Bynes was today's Sandra Dee? I also watched the last two weeks of Arrested Development though I was really confused at first, cause it looked like they had skipped an episode. But I think Fox did one of those moving things out of order to get ratings things that they do all the time. You really need to show this in order though guys, each episode moves into the next. Actually, was it out of order? And where did Maybe's secret doppelganger thing come into this? I'm so confused.
Hmm, I'm really thinking about this G3 ibook now. If I got a memory upgrade to 256mgHZ then I should be able to run Final Cut, or at least Final Cut Express. It's sounding good. Feel free to weigh in.
Today was all about bringing cart after cart of mass markets onto the floor. And also complaining about how much I have to do. I get totally stressed out at this time of the month, when I'm supposed to have my zone maintenance done. I was talking to Michele and Al about it, and realized that it's something I really put on myself. Why do I have this drive to be the super overachieving perfect bookseller? Of course it isn't just my job, it's everything I've ever done that I've stuck with for any length of time. I have this whole must the be best thing. That's sort of why I'm so fucked up about meeting guys. I usually figure that if I'm attracted to them, they will never be attracted to me. I'm not pretty enough, my skin isn't perfect, I'm too fat, whatever. After that it becomes I'm too mean, I'm impossible to satisfy. Those are closer to the truth. The rational part of my brain, which seems to be totally dissociated from the rest of me, knows that none of that is true, girls bigger than me with worse skin are in happy relationships with awesome guys, and that sort of guys I'm interested in don't care about that shit. But then, they can at least seem like that sort of thing doesn't bother them. Maybe it doesn't. I like to think that I'm a product of society, that it's the man's fault I'm so fucked up but it's not like we didn't all grow up in pretty much the same culture, and not everyone is a total freak. Or at least not in the same way I am.
In other news, I got an email from Alastair, Andy's dad, today. I haven't heard from him or Jenny in so long, almost a year. He said that he and Jenny were going to begin their walk from Glasgow to Fort William, the one that Andy wanted to take. Every time I talk to them I find out so much about Andy I didn't know. I feel like an imposter claiming that I knew him. If anything I knew one facet of him, and who knew where that part came from? How real it was? I wonder if it was really him or who he wanted to be? I wish I could ask him. It's hard to get mad at someone who's not there, I just get really confused when I think about it. I try to answer the questions I would ask him, and end up going around in circles, or on strange tangents. Sort of like when I write this. Anyway, Alastair's email was really nice. They haven't scattered his ashes yet. I teared up hearing from him. I wonder if I'm really over him, or whether I've just become incredibly adept at distracting myself. How can you tell the difference?
Today I peddled my wares on Hawthorne. I started with five big bags of old clothing that belonged to either me or my mom at one point and managed to bring it down to four, making a total of $55 in the process. I am truly rich. Sold another CD today. Eventually I will get rid of stuff and become financially solvent. Or so I fervently believe. I need to find a store that wants my mom's old lady pants.
In depressing news, I found out that my Mom is actually a size smaller than me today. And every day. But I just learned this today. She's also taller than me. This feels wrong. If I wasn't so apathetic I'd go on a diet or exercise. Something drastic like that.
I saw Goodbye Lenin today as well. On top of plying my wares. It was pretty good, we enjoyed it. Though my mom has a habit of pointing out things I already know. And I have the patience of a gnat, so this can lead to volatile things. I thought seriously about moving into Portland proper today. At least it should be easier to meet people. I'd have neighabors who I might want to talk to and local places to eat and stuff. But I think I'd need more income, aka a real job. Maybe that can be my Tuesday goal: get job.
Tonight I had a closing shift. I seem to have more work to do and less I'm capable of getting done on those nights. *Someone* admitted that I was cute today albeit in a round about manner, but I was still flattered. It's rare that I get complimented about my looks by someone who isn't a girl or a mouthbreather. So I take what I can get. By the end of the night I was really wishing that I'd worn different shoes. The bastards were killing my feet. Heeled boots and bookstore work do not mix. The whole standing for 8 hours thing can kill you. Despite the fact that Marie seems to have no problem with it, but I like to think she has bizarrely malformed feet with heels that are incapable of touching the ground.
Last night after I wrote my log I went out with Michelle and Ami and Matt to McMenamins in town and we had a good time. Mostly work related gossip, though other gossip as well. Poor Matt, surrounded by such strong minded females he was helpless, forced to listen to us talk about fertility. Course, then he chimed in so I guess we weren't upsetting him that much.
LH came in tonight. God that man is awful. He got a new hairstyle though so his eighties hair wasn't in full effect, though he did have the two-tone thing going on with blonde bangs though the rest of his hair was brown. I swear, his life model is James Spader in Pretty and Pink, but without the sexiness. Just the feathered hair and the creepiness. Luckily he only hit me with a book rather than touching him. I thought the I'm-creeped-out expression on my face might give him a hint. Still it was a pretty good close. Even though GREG was there. I think it's official, EVERYONE at my work now hates him.
After work I went to go see Dawn of the Dead with a couple of my coworkers. You can't trust those zombies man. Though I learned that lesson in 28 Days Later too. I also learned that guys either get sexier or jerkier when faced with cannibalistic zombies (and is there any other kind?). So Jake Weber played Michael. I just imdb-ed him and found that I've seen a bunch of stuff he's in, with no memory of him. But he was pretty sexy fighting off the zombies. You could tell this was a Canadian film because Sarah Polley was in it. I like her, remember her from way back in the Ramona days and stuff, but I'm beginning to suspect that the Canadian national film board only sponsors movies if she's in them.
So yeah. Got my tax return today. Yeah! Happiness. A couple days ago I found out a friend of mine got into not only the same grad school, but the same program I unsuccessfully applied to the year before. I'm not taking it well. I seem to have moved into jealous bitch mode. I'm ashamed of myself, but only when I'm not busy brimming with bile. Mmmm, bile. So not that often. I know schools are arbitrary and all that shit, but seeing as I have nothing else to make me feel good about my life right now, little things like this rankle.
Another day, another entry. I hope I finish this before midnight so I don't actually skip a day. That would suck. So maybe this will be short. I'm 25 years old. I was born in the year of the horse. I'm a libra. This means I'm well balanced with a tendancy to neigh. Actually this means I tend to lean eratically in one direction or the other. It's like being bipolar only with opinions. Libras are lovely, lovely people. We always smell nice and only speak when spoken to. We also have exquisite taste in television.
So I've been reading the blogs of others today. I read boingboing. Cory Doctrow wrote for it, which everyone who reads this probably already knew, but whatever. In the last few years I've learned a lot about books while simultaneously paying little attention to the internet. I used college for internet research. But now I'm back. Because I believe in the magic of love, and technology, and internet. Only I want it to resemble Snow Crash where everyone has avatars and walks around in clubs. And perhaps lives at Ustoreits as well, I don't know about that one.
Again, TV. I'm really addicted to Witch Hunter Robin. Actually, I have a crush on Amon. Is that wrong? I like my men 2D.
Dear invisible people,
Tonight Brian set up a blog for me. So now I can finally attempt to write and figure out whether or not I'm full of shit. I like to think that I'm a good writer, but have written very little that was ever read by more than one person. Emails to lists don't count. Have you noticed that the hyphen in email has slowly drifted away? When did e-mail become email? When did everyone learn to draw the @?
So how does this blog thing work anyway? Is it possible to get too personal? I'm sure some people tell everything, but I am a private person, sort of. There are some things I can say and some I can't. In person anyway. I think I'm better on paper, or text. Maybe that's why most of my friends/boyfriends have started out as correspondants. Maybe it's because I don't trust people I don't know. Or, you know, people in general. Evil little bastards.
Futurama is on now and I'd rather watch that than write. Though I guess I've already started, I'm still wondering where to begin. How do you find an entry point for a life constantly in progress? It should be easy because I see my life as a novel or film, composed of chapters and scenes. I'm too much a product of my culture to know how to feel unless the feeling has been described for me, in detail on TV or a novel. Even then I find myself constantly disappointed by how little my reading and watching has prepared me for life. I'd think I would know better by now. Don't think I'm a pessimist though, I'm an optimist who's constantly disappointed. They're different things.
Does this make sense? I'm worried that my undistilled (or slightly distilled I guess) thought process will be nothing but a chore for others. But then, you don't have to read this.