It's been awhile. I've been busy though. Last week I went up to Seattle to see Belle and Sebastian. The show was really great. And then this week, I've been spending most of my spare time with you know who. It's just so, so good. I can't even think to describe how good things are right now. Still, I get nervous whenever anything good happens to me, like oh no, this is going to end badly. Still I can't care that much, because here and now I'm totally happy and worrying about the future will not make the future less painful, but will hurt my happiness now. It's not the sort of thing that you can store up and save for a rainy day. So I'm scatter-brained at work and in a flighty mood and spending almost no time at home. And for the first time in a long while, I'm hopeful about my future. I just hope that this can last for a little while.
Ok, I may have overreacted about the Republican thing. He says he's pro-choice and he likes the Simpsons, he can't really be a Republican. So anyway, last night I had such an amazing time. I'm going to try to straddle the line between giving good blog and discretion, but oh it was great. I went over to watch the Larry Sanders Show and made it through a sum total of one episode before we became otherwise occupied. And it's not just physical stuff, it's also lots and lots of talking. I love talking to him. He's very different from me, his views and opinions and experiences, but similar enough in things like sense of humor and intelligence. And the things that are different just charm me right now.
So yeah, the working together stuff is still a problem. I guess the worst thing right now is that I want to shout how much I like him from the rooftops, and as it stands, I have to pretend that we're just boss/employee. And I'm worried that I may not be doing that very well, cause I'm just runnething over with happiness and desire and joy. Which frankly, for me is more than a little unusual. Please let me keep this, for awhile anyway.
Oh my god, he's a republican! No seriously, I'm not making light of this, I actually feel sort of ill. Nothing he said or did would have led me to this conclusion, and as an outspoken liberal, he knows my feelings. And yet he said NOTHING. I actually found this out cause I finally asked him, almost as a rhetorical question. And then I was appalled. I actually sat back on the other side of the car and stared at him for a minute. Then I said, well, but you wouldn't vote for Bush would you? He didn't say anything and I was just... in shock. Then I asked, but do you hate gay people? And he was like, no no. And I was so worried cause that would have totally been a dealbreaker. Then we started making out. Though now I'm worried. What if he's pro-life? I knew our relationship was troubled, but now I know it can't last. Seriously, can I last with a republican? And if he's going to be one, shouldn't he act like one? I swear, next time that's going to be my first question. I mean, if James Carville can do it, I guess I can. But this was a horrible thing to find out.