from my diary, august 2001:

i was reading ericka's entry today about writing poems. and i think, will *I* go to grad school? will i take an MFA? lately i'm leaning more and more toward that. i just keep thinking, when i go to do my thesis, how can i imagine spending my time? what would Satisfy me? and if yr thesis isn't satisfying, what's the point? and, just like with undergrad, i see myself working diligently on poems more clearly than i see myself writing a literature thesis. which is a shame, because i think i write pretty good literature essays. but my heart is in poetry. do i care if i get published? no. but to take an MFA is to commit yrself to a life of writing and publishing, non?

all i can think lately is how i do not want to be in school. i have nothing to write, i don't want to write. kevin showed up in my fucking workshop, ruining the whole semester in one fell swoop. and i love t.d. but the class is going to be a lot of work and i don't know if i have the brain for it. but my parents have loaned / given me a huge amount of money to continue and finish my degree, so even if i don't want to do it for me anymore, i have to do it for them.

thursday night was a great time with aaron but we stayed up so late and then i had to work 9-5 with a 3 hour break for class. i got home and took a nap thinking it would be enough to get me ready to go out with laurel but with the no sleep and with the horrid cafeteria food i ate at lunch and all the coffee i drank during the day to keep me awake... i felt positively vomitous. i bailed on laurel, because i am the worst friend ever. i slept some more, til like 9am. i finally went to bed around 2am, then woke up today at 1:30pm, then fell asleep again an hour later until 6:30pm !!!! tentative plans with two different people fell through and now i just want to sleep again.

cmj is this week which is great but i have to do all my homework before courtney arrives on tuesday!

xo.