i haven't been writing for a long time, poetry or otherwise. my thoughts are all haphazard and confused and i am all in a tizzy about the move. this time next week i should be just about moved in to the house in pittsburgh. i will have the lovely kathryn as my roommate. my living situation will once again be calm and fun and conducive to living. i know that the interior is the most important, that you can't create a life outside without setting things right inside. but i think you can adjust your surroundings and circumstances to help you along. i am going to miss my friends in new york terribly. all the friendships that have become so integral to my life, like my poet friends. it's unreal to think that two years ago i didn't know them. and the more recent friendships that have been revealed to me, in only the last 6 months even. and i'm going before they can get stronger here. but i think that after 8 years of keeping friends whom i only see once in a great while, i am hopeful. i think they will stay. and i have the ladies in pittsburgh (and morgantown!) to look forward to. i have the house and the trees and the slowness.

i think i don't do well with so many choices, which is maybe why i'm frustrated with new york right now. maybe more on that later.

right now i'm making con-edison work for me by keeping my air-conditioner running while wearing a sweater in july an drinking hot coffee. a waste, i know. but at this moment, this afternoon, right now, i need comfort. physical comfort. i am in tears at unexpected moments and this morning was a confrontation that has maybe been a long time coming but was just the result of the last straw and oh this is so vague. i am a pushover sometimes. this is my fault. i need to learn my boundaries and learn which ones need to be broached and which are just fine and should be respected. but they shouldn't be broached without my permission.

meh.

xo.