... a totally high school rant about how my life totally sucks and i hate it and i want to kill someone or myself (not really) or just explode. some of the things i can't even document because even though only people i know read this, still. and actually things only my best friend knows about, i can't write. but also i'm so broke and can't see an end in sight and i feel like everyone has it better than me and i always have the second-best jankety shit even though i shouldn't care about material things and also my mom is dying a slow painful death and part of me wants her just to get it over with and die because watching this, and knowing it will go on for years and years and that she can't die fast enough, is too much and also i am afraid of the future and i can't see a time when things will be okay because i don't even know what it means to me to be okay, and also i always feel like people think i'm stupid or don't know shit when i am actually pretty fucking brilliant and talented and even though i don't go out drinking every night (or week) anymore i am very sociable and sometimes fun and the thing is my medication which i'm not supposed to drink alcohol with ever makes me drunk after one drink and want to go to sleep right away and if i've gone to a bar that is too far to walk from or even if it's close enough but i don't want to walk home at night alone then i just don't want to go because then i feel trapped when i'm literally falling asleep at the table. arrrrrrgh. sheesh. end rant.

at least i turned i my thesis this week which, as some people have made very clear, they're very sick of hearing about and which i've had, yes, a year to work on. so it's over, okay? no more whining.

i want ice cream.

xo.

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