archives

December 2004

December 30th, 2004. Resolution (the fifth)

Since I moved back here, I'm slightly worried I'm getting stuck in a rut. Especially since I got the job. Up, to work, back home again, shower, read for a while, bed, and the same thing again the following day.

As I said below, I need to get myself out of the rut socially in the distant hope of finding somebody to snuggle in bed.* However, I don't want to get stuck in a rut generally either. I don't want to get to December 2005 and realise that the most fulfilling thing I've done was a conversation I had in the Everything, Ltd post room. So, finally, we have:

2005 Resolution #5: Do something that's new, random, and suggested by the blog readers.

Go on, then, suggest something I should do for my final resolution. The comment box is there to be written in.

* who isn't small, furry and feline.

21:42 Link Comments (7)

December 28th, 2004. Resolution (the fourth)

This is going to be a short one. For the past however long, I've been lonely. So:

2005 Resolution #4: Fix my social life, to give myself a chance to find Someone Special

I'm worried that you're all going to think I'm writing this as a reaction to the events in the last entry. I'm not - in fact, I had all these resolutions planned out over a week ago. It's not about the sex, either.* I'm writing this because I'm fed up of going to bed on my own, with nobody to snuggle up to and intertwine legs with, then wake up next to in the morning.

* after all, we can all take that into our own hands. As it were.

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December 28th, 2004. Intermission

In which we talk about important things only tangentially related to resolutions, but which are too important to miss

"I take it I'm going to get a mention for this," said John. John is a regular reader of the blog. He's even become a regular reader of the blogs on the sidebar.* He doesn't comment very often, but I know he'll be reading this.

Every Christmas, everybody always meets up sometime for a drink. Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, whenever: we all have to meet up at some point and moan about how there are no decent drinking places in the area. This year seemed, for some reason, to be the year that everybody brought people home with them. Kathryn had dragged someone with her, and John had brought his girlfriend, Jenny.** We settled down in the local Wetherspoons, and had a few drinks. Caught up on things. Had the sort of conversations you have with people you see a couple of times a year. W was telling us all about his new-born niece Erin,** her tiny hands, and so on.

John and Jenny had news, too, but they waited until the pub was almost closing to tell us it. They waited until they thought we couldn't buy drinks any more, and then told us: they're having a baby. Next summer.

W rushed to the bar and bought a couple of bottles of champagne just as time was being rung. The rest of us collectively melted, and tried to explain how pleased we feel for them. Being drunk, I didn't get much past "Oh! Wow! Wow! Congratulations! Oh my god! Wow!"

John: again. congratulations. I'm sure you'll be perfect parents.

* he's particularly a fan of Z, apparently. I showed off by telling him that I've talked to her on the phone.

** At least, I think that was her name. I'm pretty sure it was. I'm very sorry if it wasn't. If it's wrong, tell me and I'll edit it and pretend the mistake never happened.

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December 26th, 2004. Resolution (the third)

Happy Boxing Day!* Merry Christmas!

There was a good reason why I was buying cakes and Kahlua the other day; but I only realised later that I forgot to tell you what it was. The Kahlua was so that yesterday I could mix White Russians and sink into a seasonal creamy booze-haze. Which I duly did. The cakes, on the other hand, were for the office.

Someone at work had a cunning idea, the other week. We should have an office Competition. An Office Baby Photo Competition, with two prizes: one for the person who recognised the most babies, and one for the most unrecognizable baby. However, the two-prize idea went a bit downhill when I went and won both of them.** "The cakes are on you, then," everybody said. "We're all expecting you to bring lots of cakes in for everyone on Christmas Eve now."

We do tend to have cake rather often at the Grimsby office, for birthdays, anniversaries, and basically any excuse going. So, I went out late on Thursday night, bought lots and lots of cake (plus the Kahlua) and took it around everybody. To be met with surprised delight. "Oh. You brought cake! We didn't think you would really! We were only joking, you know." Which brings me round to Resolution 3:

2005 Resolution #3: To try to learn how to read other people better

I often joke about needing some kind of Personal Sarcasm Alarm, because I have awful trouble telling when people are being serious sometimes. In my last job, I was only ever with four other people, and I was with them all of the time, so it was relatively easy to get to know them well enough to read their moods. Now I'm working alongside lots of different people, I really need to be able to tell. I've already managed to really upset one colleague just by trying to give her some computer help over the phone.*** Next year, I'm going to do my best not to do that again.

* If you're Foreign and so don't know what Boxing Day is, you should probably read this Observer article.

** Well, one-and-a-half of them - the main prize was won jointly by me and The Office Crush, who was the only person to pick out my photo.

*** the worst bit of which is, I have no idea what I said to upset her. I can't even remember what I said. All I can remember is that she suddenly slammed the phone down and then would barely speak to me for the rest of the day.

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December 24th, 2004. Resolution (the second)

There was a very good reason why, at five to eleven last night, I was in the checkout queue at the local supermarket last night. There was a very good reason, too, why my trolley contained nothing apart from:

God knows what it looked like to the other shoppers, though.

That's not directly connected to this particular resolution, but it's related to the general theme. I need to cut down on things - cake, for example. Not just cake, though.

2005 Resolution #2: I will cut down on cake and, especially, coffee

Until as recently as two years ago, I never drank coffee. I believed that I hated the stuff, in fact. That was until, one morning, I was out of teabags and desperate for a hot, caffeinated drink. I turned to the jar of instant coffee that I kept for occasional guests, and never looked back.

Now, though, I drink too much of the stuff. Definitely too much. Two cups with breakfast, to get me alert enough to drive to work. One or two more before I really start work, and then more throughout the day. By anyone's reckoning, that's got to be too much. It's bad for my skin,* bad for my energy levels when I don't have any, and bad for mood swings and so on. Cutting it down a bit will definitely be a Good Thing.

Incidentally, the Office Crush isn't making any New Year's Resolutions. They're a bad idea, I'm told. "You shouldn't need an excuse to change things about yourself."

* I'm sure my skin wouldn't be as dry if it wasn't for the coffee dehydrating me all the time.

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December 22nd, 2004. Resolution (the first)

Not much has changed on this site in the past year. The design hasn't changed a bit. There aren't any interesting new features. Nothing more on the words page. I think it's now 2 years since I first planned to bring in a Reviews section, and only managed to write one paragraph.* There's a new design under way. In fact, it's practically finished, with just a few little touches left to do before it's uploaded. However, I haven't looked at it for six months.

There are reasons for this - well, there were reasons for this. The big, big reason, though, is procrastination. Until June I was living on my own, and didn't have internet access at home,** so you can understand it not being uploaded. I was beavering away at it offline, though, and even commissioned some graphics for the new design, from Dem.

Moving in with my parents meant I had internet access again. Only narrowband phone-line stuff, but nonetheless it was still internet access. Nonetheless, the site didn't get finished. It's sitting safely on my hard drive, the CSS and main templates are just about sorted, and there are just a few little touches to add. It hasn't been done, though. I was right: once I can just browse the net instead, my productivity rate plunges. Especially in the last three months, when I've been setting off for work at seven, getting home at six, and not wanting to do much else besides eat, wash and sleep - which led to me barely updating the site for two months. Therefore:

2005 Resolution #1: Finish redesigning the website, and keep it updated more often.

As I said, the graphics are by the lovely Dem. The main colour is changing from blue*** to green. Apart from that, wait and see. I'm going to do my best to get back to my previous rate of updates, which was about three or four per week. It should be easy to achieve, if I use my lunchbreaks (as you can see, all my recent posts have been written at about half-twelve). The more I write, the more I'll think of to write about.

* of a review comparing J. K. Rowling and Susan Cooper.

** because if I had, I'd never have left the house other than to sign on. I wanted to force myself to go out and impose myself on people.

*** I like to think of the current colour as "rain blue". The first time I tried to design a personal website - back in 1997; it never made it online - I picked this colour, and I've stuck with it ever since.

12:38 Link Comments (2)

December 21st, 2004. Solstice

It's been dark on my way home from work ever since the clocks changed over. It's been dark when I set out for work for a week or two. Today, though, is the shortest day. From here, it gets light again.

According to Peter - and I'm sure he knows what he's talking about - the solstice itself is in about twenty minutes' time. The moment when the sun's centre crosses the plane of the earth's axis. Don't worry if that makes no sense to you whatsoever. I would try to explain it in terms of infinite sheets of paper and balls lining up with each other, but we'd both end up more confused than when I started.

I'm always a little unsure about the status of the next few days. Today is, to my mind, when the new year should be starting. The calendar, though, says we still have another ten days to go. It's all rather like the ancient calendars - Egyptian, for example - that had equally-sized months followed by a week or so which was in no month at all.* Given that it feels as if the holiday is already here - the office is deathly quiet today - it already feels as if we're about to enter the week that's outside the normal, everyday calendar.

To go with this mood I'm in, I've decided to put some effort into my resolutions this year. I'm going to do my best to come up with five, and write about what I need to do, and why. What was missing this year, and how I'm going to fix it next year. Every other day, from tomorrow until next year. All I have to do now is think of some.

* I think the technical term is "intercalendrical days", but I'm not entirely sure. Update: searching for "intercalendrical" returns pages of results about Lanark,** which - as it's one of my favourite books - I really should have anticipated.

** By Alasdair Gray, the Scottish artist and writer. It features "intercalendrical zones", places between worlds where time becomes meaningless.

12:26 Link Comments (2)

December 20th, 2004. Office conversation

Peon: "I've got some good news."

Supervisor: "It's Christmas! You don't have good news - you bring glad tidings of great joy."

In other news, I realised over the weekend that it's now EIGHT YEARS to the week since I bought my first Belle and Sebastian album. Eight years. I can hardly believe it. I wrote a long email about it to the B&S mailing list, Sinister; I would post a link here, but the list archives seem to be down. Over Christmas I'll transcribe it for you sometime.

12:22 Link Comments (3)

December 17th, 2004. Lethargic

Sleepy. Sooo sleepy. Can't wait for my week's Christmas holiday to come round. Am too tired to think coherently.

People at work keep accusing me of making words up. Mostly, just the teenager from the Department of Engine Oil, who has the vocabulary of an unusually-sweary 12-year-old. "You need to fucking talk like a normal fucker," he says, "and not use all these fucking long words that nobody's fucking heard of before." I was rather surprised to find, though, that I know a swearword that neither he nor anyone else here seems to have heard of. "Felch".*

* do not look this word up.** It is rude, and may put you off your dinner.

** although if you do, and if you have a childish sense of humour, you'll probably be amused to find that there's an American village called Felch, Michigan. It's located on Michigan State Highway 69, indeed.

12:38 Link Comments (2)

December 14th, 2004. 101 Insults In Norwegian

Things I can remember about the Christmas party:

* Hi, Vanessa!

** I've forgotten them all myself, so I'm hoping she's going to post some in the comments box.

*** I'm blaming the gin

**** We weren't the only people having our party at the venue, so it's not like it was someone I'm going to see at work.

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December 13th, 2004. Misc

A busy weekend. It's all Christmas, Christmas, Christmas at the moment. Saturday: the office party - I'll write more about it when I can remember what happened. Yesterday - listening to carols. Tonight: a Mince Pie Night. I've even made a start on the Christmas shopping.

Still not really feeling seasonal, though. No decorations up in my office,* and none up at home yet either. I might have started to buy presents, but still haven't got any cards.** Maybe I'll get home tonight and The Parents will have suddenly put them all up, and it'll feel lovely and cosy and Yuletidely. Possibly.

One random thing that's been irking me recently: all the trailers for the new Phantom Of The Opera movie which state that it's "on the big screen for the first time", or similar guff. It's only the awful songs which have never been in the cinema before: IMDB counts six other film versions, even if you don't count the made-for-TV ones. Grrr. Come back Lon Cheney, all is forgiven.

* apart from the cards standing on the desk, behind my spare monitor.

** although in theory i should have enough from all the leftovers from previous years, if I can find them.

12:27 Link Comments (1)

December 10th, 2004. Everything, Ltd (again)

A big pile of boxes has arrived, and they are annoying me. I have my chair and desk set up so that normally I can keep an eye on the door of the outer office all the time; the newly-delivered pile of boxes is directly in my line of sight. I don't really want people coming in without warning.

Another way in which being at Everything, Ltd seems strangely like being at school: Christmas cards. Everybody has to send Christmas cards to everybody else, unless you want to make someone feel like a social pariah. Well, apart from the grumpy buggers in the Department of Nostalgia and Wallowing, who promise to send the money to charity instead.* I'm still unsure about the Christmas Card etiquette. Should I address them all to "X and partner" even though I've never met the latter? Even though I don't know their name? Lots of mine have been signed "X and partner", which at least solves the second problem. Should I put "love from"? Can I put "love from" on some people's** and not on others? Do I have to give everybody the same standard of message even if I don't actually like them that much? This time of year, the office is a social minefield.

In other news: I'm intrigued as to how many people are still reading after last month's silence. So, to try to tempt you out of the woodwork, I'm going to ask you all what you'd rather read about:

(a) Everyday Everything, Ltd office life
(b) The above, but with specific reference to The Office Crush
(c) My occasional trips to the not-very-local pub, the Country Yokel
(d) Whatever was in today's Guardian
(e) Something else (please explain)

Go on, leave a comment and tell me. I'll probably ignore it and write whatever I like anyway; but it'll be interesting to read what you think.

* Which is fair enough, if the whole idea of Christmas cards was to buy charity ones in order to raise cash. But it's not.

** the Office Crush, for example. Which would, frankly, be a bad idea in any case.

12:32 Link Comments (9)

December 9th, 2004. Young Forever

The telly is on too much in my house. It's on to keep me occupied in the evenings whilst reading the day's email. It's on to be a sound in the background. The Ex-Boyfriend* was always slightly snobbish about it, refusing to have one in his own flat at all. Sometimes, though, it's on because there's something I've been wanting to watch.

I've been a fan of Teachers ever since it started, and I've watched it ever since, despite the main characters being almost entirely replaced over the four series. At first, of course, I only watched it because it uses The Boy With The Arab Strap** as its theme tune; then I started trying to spot the donkey in each episode;*** now I just watch it because it makes me laugh. And because of the soundtrack.

The soundtrack, mostly, consists of your typical chart-indie bands that are all over Radio 1 at the moment - Franz Ferdinand, Razorlight et al. This week's episode, though, made me jump up for joy, because it featured the title track from Aberfeldy's first album, Young Forever. The album took a while to grow on me - I was rather unsure about its structure at first - but Young Forever is a little gem of a song.

I've been listening to the album a lot in my car lately, singing along as best as I can.**** It seems to chime with my current mood (see posts below). Especially: Love Is An Arrow:

Love is a good way to lose a friend
It's a two-faced liar that you can't defend
Love is a virus that invades your heart
It starts to take it all apart

Not all of the verses are that bitter - I especially like the couplet "Love is a verb, and a noun as well / You find it in the dictionary under L". The song makes me smile wistfully, and start to think about everything I don't have right now.

* Hi, Gareth!

** By Belle and Sebastian, if you had to ask

*** I think one of the writers must have been a Tindersticks fan - in the first three series, there was always a donkey hiding somewhere in the background of every episode, usually in an entirely surreal and unexpected place. In the fourth series they've made the whole thing more obviously "wacky", which isn't as good.

**** and wondering if the song Vegetarian Restaurant is about Forest in Edinburgh

12:33 Link Comments (2)

December 6th, 2004. Flashbacks

Over the past few days, I've realised something about my job; and particular, the environment I'm working in. Maybe it's just me, but it all seems extremely teenage.

University wasn't teenage at all, even though I was a teenager for a good half of it. University was all about working on your own, reading, writing, looking things up, burning the midnight oil. My old job at the Emporium wasn't very teenage either, because it was such a small company. At my new job, though - with Everything, Ltd, The Company That Reconciles The Seemingly Disparate - it's just like being back at school again.

The points of comparison:

OK, maybe it's just the last two points that make me think it's particularly teenage, then. It's what's been uppermost in my mind, though.

* the attractive ones, at least

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December 4th, 2004. Seasonal

As soon as the calendars turned over a new leaf, out came the office christmas decorations. Christmas cards started to circulate, and plates of mince pies appeared.

Not everyone at work - me included - is so happy about it. I rarely feel very seasonal until the week of Christmas itself, so this feels far too early. Our company christmas party is next weekend, and even that feels too early for me. The Mother - who has just bought an enormous plush red "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" sign to put up in the hallway - says I'm being a Scrooge. At work, though, I'm certainly not alone. Last week, the office air was full of arguments between staff and the management:

"But we don't want Christmas decorations! It's not Christmas yet"

"I'm your boss: put that tinsel on your desk or else."

Fortunately, I can't imagine my own manager forcing Christmas decorations on anybody, so my own office is entirely tinsel-free and will stay that way for a couple of weeks yet. Mince pies, though, are always welcome. Equally fortunately, we haven't gone to the same extremes as one of our suppliers, where it's rumoured that the management have to dress up as Father Christmas once a week, sit high-achieving staff on their knees, and give them presents. I haven't yet seen any photos to confirm this, and frankly, I'm glad.

Although my own office is (as always) entirely cheer-free, the outer office is at the opposite extreme. Tinsel on every desk and around every monitor;* a tree in the corner; lights around the doorway and christmas stockings pinned to the wall. There's even the Worst Christmas Toy Ever: a singing dog, with a tinny digital rendition of Merry Xmas Everybody:

So here it is, Merry Christmas
Everybody's having fun
Look to the future now
It's only just begu-uuu-un!

By the third repeat, everybody within earshot was heartily sick of it. "If that dog doesn't shut up," someone said, "it's going to be slayed."

* I'm worried that, any day now, someone is going to send in a printer for repair because they've managed to get tinsel jammed in the paper feed.

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