September 2005

September 15th, 2005. You can only ever go forwards

Posts here are becoming harder and harder to write, partly because I'm uncomfortable that a lot of the people who read this don't know very much about me. Strangely, starting a new blog where people know even less about me makes life easier.

A few months ago, I felt as if my life was going backwards. The transitions I wanted to make were becoming more undone and less and less likely. The strange thing, though, was that people started to compliment me on how healthy and happy I was looking all of a sudden. People I've known for years started telling me that I've never looked better, never looked more confident. It made me start to think whether the decisions I've made and aims I've had over the past few years have been the right ones after all.

The reason that makes writing this site difficult is this: I'm not really Caitlin any more.

I'm not sure yet who I am or who I'm going to be. Hopefully I'm still looking for the perfect settled-down relationship and the perfect settled-down life. At the moment, everything is nebulous. I could be anybody.

If you've liked this blog and want to read another, I recommend Symbolic Forest. I don't want you to have any preconceptions about its author, though. I don't want you to think of them as me.*

Hopefully - Brian permitting, of course - this site will stay online for a while even if it isn't being updated. And comments will still be read and answered.

* this does not necessarily apply to real-life friends

20:46 Comments (4)